I choose to be...

Happy.

Happiness is a choice. I always hear this line a hundred times, no, a million times to exasperate it. I've heard it so many times by different people but I never allowed my ears to listen to it, I never allowed my eyes to read between its lines. I never posted it on my bulletin board. I never allowed my mouth to say it to myself, and worst, I never let my mind understand it. Yes, it really is easy to say it but it is hard to decide, I mean, I am indecisive and it's always an excuse for me. A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with one of the people whom I look up to. I said, after I take my Licensure exam, I will do what I want, find the Job I really really wanted and leave. I want to have new sets of people to please. and he responded me with and I quote, "go, but it's not that easy." And there you go. I chose to live and be drowned with my emotions. I feel like nobody's there for me and people always leave. I make decisions through my emotions, I decide by what I feel. I want to please people and if I can't please them, I get depressed. I cry often. Compared to a 4-year old child, I am too way sensitive, I am too way selfish. I am immature. I am a drama queen. And I hated myself for that. I am just sick and tired of it. No. I am really sick and tired of being sick and tired of it.

I must understand that my life now is not about betty-boops or barbie dolls. Another is change is really inevitable, it really intensifies while I age. I learned that LIFE IS TOUGH, it was never easy. I must get out of my cage and be happy. And when the dark side comes and entice me to be drowned in my emotions again, I am confident that I have confidence to say NO because I choose to be in the bright side. I will let things fall into its place because I know God planed to let it be.