CRAZY little thing called...

LOVE.
(K. silly title i know.)

So there you go. Crizzie, my friend way back in high school. We haven't seen each other for years then and because I'm home for a short vacation, I planned an overnight for us. I invited her to come over our house. I was very happy when she accepted my invitation since Quality TIME is my love language.

I remember, we became closed friends when we were in our third year. We clash not because we are total opposites but because we have lots in common. We love talking about our beliefs since we have same belief. We love talking about how great God is, about our ministries, (we were both involved in the ministry of our own churches) and about our church friends. She is one of the people I loved talking to before.

VAIN. yes, we are undeniably VAIN. We love taking pictures of ourselves. I have a cell phone with a 2.5 megapixel camera back then and we'll take pictures of us together and we will have it be printed despite the low quality of the picture. I placed our pictures on my wallet and she posted those on the wall of her room. She even told me that it's her dream to fill her wall with our pictures and that made me cringe. We love talking about cute guys from candy magazines and we shudder and squeak to death with pillows covering our face, yes that's how "babaw" we were before.

I missed her so much, that I am really overjoyed when she came over here and spend a night with me. We took pictures efcerz. *tenen*

see, that's how vain we are.

We talked about how we're doing, our dreams, our frustrations, our love life, our God and all. And we're just amazed to realize that our shallow conversations way back in high school is not as shallow as they were before. We're grown ups now and continually growing. After all the talks we had and tears she shed, we came in silence and prayed together - the best thing that happened that night.

We slept at around 5am-ish.

to Crizzie May Palejo,

You really are a blessing to me. I will keep on praying for you, ALWAYS. Allow me to be your accountability partner. And Trust me when I say, everything we shared that night is exclusively for you, me and God only. You're now in Law school(you already!), make us proud. make your Father proud.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”"

I love you. shiiiiz <3 hehe.

Enough for that

dang dang dang. I always spend my time searching for something that I know would hurt me. I am fond of it. I always see fringe benefits from it, (because I love doing it) but the aftermath of it is just pffft i dunno, I just get more jealous, more insecure, and more.... uhm... and I need to izztap this 'cause it is NEVER healthy.

I hope you get me. you get my point, d'you? pffft.

a little something for myself

Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and you're
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

'cause I am a woman

I know I'm sort of a biased here. but what the hey, you are blessed when your beau is like this.

*Cringe

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - if she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman then tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she's the one
'cause she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
till you know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Till you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

When you love a woman
then tell her that she's really wanted
When you love a woman then tell her that she's the one
'cause she needs somebody to tell her
that you'll always be together
So tell me have you ever really -
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - you gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin' good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman...

Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

Love tank

If I ask you to spend TIME with me, that only means I love you. And if you REJECT it, whaddahey I am telling you, you are withdrawing something you invested (if you had invested something) from my love tank.



And it hurts me.

I choose to be...

Happy.

Happiness is a choice. I always hear this line a hundred times, no, a million times to exasperate it. I've heard it so many times by different people but I never allowed my ears to listen to it, I never allowed my eyes to read between its lines. I never posted it on my bulletin board. I never allowed my mouth to say it to myself, and worst, I never let my mind understand it. Yes, it really is easy to say it but it is hard to decide, I mean, I am indecisive and it's always an excuse for me. A couple of days ago, I had a conversation with one of the people whom I look up to. I said, after I take my Licensure exam, I will do what I want, find the Job I really really wanted and leave. I want to have new sets of people to please. and he responded me with and I quote, "go, but it's not that easy." And there you go. I chose to live and be drowned with my emotions. I feel like nobody's there for me and people always leave. I make decisions through my emotions, I decide by what I feel. I want to please people and if I can't please them, I get depressed. I cry often. Compared to a 4-year old child, I am too way sensitive, I am too way selfish. I am immature. I am a drama queen. And I hated myself for that. I am just sick and tired of it. No. I am really sick and tired of being sick and tired of it.

I must understand that my life now is not about betty-boops or barbie dolls. Another is change is really inevitable, it really intensifies while I age. I learned that LIFE IS TOUGH, it was never easy. I must get out of my cage and be happy. And when the dark side comes and entice me to be drowned in my emotions again, I am confident that I have confidence to say NO because I choose to be in the bright side. I will let things fall into its place because I know God planed to let it be.