You are my Way Out

     

           For a very long time, I was wishing to really find a way out from being in distress, which is due to me feeling that I, a princess, was abandoned by her prince.

          When he left, I was so mad, so angry, so hurt. I was hurt that I didn't even see that I was already drowning myself to a sea of bitterness and insecurities. My mind's focus before was to win him back and save him from the witch that wants to poison his mind. I held on to the idea that he doesn't like me anymore, that he already found someone else. I tried and tried to save the relationship. I really did my best that I even ran after him a lot of times that it didn't matter to me what other people say about me. I want to tell this because that's the fact. We were together for almost 4 years, therefore it was hard for me to let it go and I couldn't stop myself from thinking how sayang it is for me to give up just like that, plus I was worried about what my life would be without him (so worldly, right?)

          But the more I try to make it better, the more it gets worse. I never really understood why he left and why our relationship ended. I never expected it to come nor wanted it to happen, but it did. I tried to let go. But each time I tried, I failed and I hated myself even more.

         Until one Thursday, I decided to skip work because I am really down and depressed, and I can't take the pain anymore. I really didn't know what to do, or wait, maybe I did know what to do, but I kept on denying it. I kept on denying God. But that time, I was totally helpless that I just broke down, cried and surrendered everything to Him. I can't really explain very clearly, but at that moment I felt His comfort and that He's unloading every pain and burden in my heart. He opened my eyes which were blinded by uncontainable emotions and my false hopes from the past. I realized that I was already making an idol, substituting him and choosing him over God. I loved him more than I loved God. I acknowledged my shortcomings to God and repented. And at that very moment, I felt the joy I lost for the longest time. I find it hard to explain how I felt after, but what I'm sure about is that the thing i just did was my first step in letting go.

       I now understand these things he told me before.

• He doesn't appreciate the fact that I love him more than I love God.

• He saw our relationship was not healthy anymore because it doesn't glorify God.

• He wants me to be independent from him (since he became my world) but dependent to God

I saw the need to fix our relationship with my own will and power while he saw the need to realign our lives to the will of God. God saved him from the witch and that witch turned out to be me.

      I know the battle doesn't end here. I honestly admit, I still miss him and I'm always tempted to keep in touch and tell him all there is to tell, but I know that if I do it, it will not help us both, and things could get worse. I still feel the pain, and I know I am still on the process of letting go, and this is a long process for me. But I will find joy in waiting because I have the assurance that God is filling every empty corner of my heart now, slowly but surely. Even if some things are not clear to me yet, I will still trust Him and enjoy these unexpected turn of events.

      This is a major breakthrough in my life that I am blessed to have. To quote Ptr. Tan-chi of CCF, "When you are disappointed in life, don't jump into conclusions but learn to appreciate the presence of God instead."

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." 

Psalm 31:24

08/02/12

 

Blogging with a Twist

You give JOY

I just want to share how God works in my life in every single day. I'm not the usual blogger who writes good and who knows like every word in the dictionary. I'm a simple-trying-hard one who wants to tell to the whole world about how good God is in my life. And I tell you this now, pardon my grammar sometimes. haha 

I blogged several times before to different blog sites but not regularly. I just blog when I feel like doing it or when I am too overwhelmed about something. But most of the time I blog when I get hurt. I saw good things about it, one is that whenever there is no one whom I can talk to with ,I just write everything and let the cyber world do its work for me. Another one is, I can right every lesson I learned and I could look back to it anytime and evaluate how my life is doing and going. Okay, much has been said already, to make the long story short, one thing in mind that I really want to do right now is to continue blogging. Not just blogging, Blogging with a new twist. I will blog with the purpose of sharing God and how God is working in every single details of my life.

why not?

jeje title over thur.

It's around 5am and been thinking about a lot of things. Why not Baguio? Why Kyusee? What would my life be right now if I chose to study in there? Maybe God has His reasons (cross out the Maybe) God has His reasons. I am not saying that my life in Q was not that fun-filled, joyful, happy, blah blah blah. It was. I just want to ask, WHY NOT IN BAGUIO?

Random thoughts pop out all the time. Forgive me. I just have to right it in here just because I can't sleep in my own bed because when I arrived home from Baguio my cousins are still sleeping in there.

a REMINDER to you...

Dear Bea,

Josh and I will always be here for you ;) I know what you're going thru and I know how much it hurts you. Just text me when you feel like sharing something. I will listen. I miss you. I am praying for you. Let's get together again - looking forward.

Love,

Ate Joy

CHUCK

"no matter where we go or what we do, as long as we're together, right?"

"love is a battle field"

"I'm emotional and that makes me a liability."

"You are everything I've ever wanted."

"I hate guns but it pays to know unusually."

"Families and friends make us vulnerable. They make us unable to pull the trigger."

"Sometimes it helps to know that you've got something to lose."

"It is another to betray your partner."

"I'll always come back for you."

"A heart is a complicated muscle."

"You need to be honest with the people you love."

"You're courage makes me very proud but there are some battles you have to walk away from."

"There's nothing more important than family."

"A relationship is built on trust,"

" If you're planning on hurting me, even to prove a point, I think you should know I have a very low threshold for pain."

"Sometimes, your dream job isn't always what you expect it to be."

"You're still Chuck. You're still my Chuck"

"meeting you always makes it worth it."

"when you meet somebody you care about, it's just so hard to walk away."

"I'm watching chuck disappear and the further he gets from who he is, the more I want to remember who I am."

Mere Christianity thoughts by C.S Lewis

"That is why the Christian is in a different position from other people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God if there is one; or- if they think there is not- at least they hope to deserve approval from good men. But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us;"

“In the passage where the New Testament says that every one must work, it gives as a reason ’in order that he may have something to give to those in need.’”

“If people do not believe in permanent marriage, it is perhaps better that they should live together unmarried than that they should make vows they do not mean to keep. It is true that by living together without marriage they will be guilty (in Christian eyes) of fornication. But one fault is not mended by adding another: unchastely is not improved by adding perjury.”


“…love is the great conqueror of lust.”

"Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go."

“As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

“For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”

“If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.”

"When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

“But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not."

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

"Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is.”

“There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice."

"first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.”

“He shows much more of Himself to some people than to others - not because He has favorites, but because it is impossible for Him to show Himself to a man whose whole mind and character are in the wrong condition. Just as sunlight, though it has no favorites, cannot be reflected in a dusty mirror as clearly as in a clean one.”

“When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only man in the world.”

“If you picture Time as a straight line along which we have to travel, then you must picture God as the whole page on which the line is drawn."

“Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection.”

“The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether."

"Give up yourself, and you will find your real self."

"Lose your life and you will save it."

"Keep back nothing."

"Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in."

Brandon Heath thoughts.

Cause the pain is real
But you will survive
That's how you know you're alive

Cause it's Okay Now, Hey Now
You can let go
That's when you
Find out, Find out
Everybody knows
That there just
Aint no, Aint no
Easier way out
I know it might not look that way
But You're gonna live to fight another day

Here's another chance
Take it while you can
Cause it sure wont last
Moves so fast
And it's gone again